It was a typical Friday night: I was lying in bed with an angsty fanfiction open on my tablet when my roommate walked in. Glancing up from the screen I asked, "Why are guys so much more attractive when they're kind of broken? Is that just me?"
She kind of laughed and said, "No I totally agree. There's just something so hot about vulnerability. Like I just want to hold him and make him better."
"Yeah, that makes sense. That must be it."
That was a few months ago, but recently I've been thinking about it more. That reasoning doesn't quite satisfy me. There's something more to it for me. It's like, I want to look at a guy and say, "Hey. You're broken and that sucks. But you know what? I'm broken too. It's okay. We can do this. Us against the world." He'd hold my forehead to his, and we'd stand there listening to crickets, the sound of the wind, and a car door slamming in the distance. Looking into each other's eyes, we'd think, I can fix you, and you can fix me.
But I also want to spiral.
I yearn to spiral down, down in a swirling storm of passion. Together we can gather enough cold anger and screaming depression to fuel a nuclear war. Dull grey clouds looming around a violent calamity, waiting to cloak the remains of two more insignificant souls. I want to break and be broken, to love so hard that I destroy. HIT ME. Make me feel something--please. Maybe then my anger will actually mean something.
Stay with me forever. Please. We can do this--together. Us against our mutual destruction. What do you say?
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