Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Living Through Fiction

shirt (under): Love Tree; sweatshirt: Vans;
skirt: Forever 21; socks: Forever 21; shoes: LoveD

I spend most of my days with books and screens. Even when I'm not doing homework, I choose to absorb the world around me through books, music, YouTube, television. Rather than going outside and experiencing life first hand, I tend to acquire life experience via stories--primarily fiction. And that kind of worries me. Because fiction is just that: fiction, made up, exaggerated, and glorified. How much of what I think I know is false? It's just like in Animal Farm. Most of the animals trust the pigs to read for them, so the pigs easily manipulate everyone to do their bidding. Instead of going out and living life on my own, I trust other people to teach me about the world through their stories. What if I'm being horribly mislead?

I watched a lot of Disney Channel sitcoms as a kid. And you know the whole thing with sitcoms is that the characters get in trouble or they do something embarrassing, but then they manage to work their way out of the situation in a comedic way.

Probably unnecessary description of sitcoms aside, whenever I watched Raven make a fool out of herself or Zach and Cody destroy some Tipton property, I always had the same thought: it would save them a whole lot of trouble if they would just be honest from the beginning or not tell a bunch of people about their crushes or listen to their parents or avoid taking risks.

So that's what I did. I played it safe. I did what I was told. And for eighteen years, I've successfully managed to stay out of trouble.
I remember in eighth grade, my language arts teacher told the class that bad decisions make good stories. For the most part, I don't make bad decisions. And for the most part, I'm pretty boring. Sure I'm a complex human being with problems and emotions and thoughts and whatever, but I've never really thrown myself out there and taken a real risk. Hence, I don't have a lot of stories to tell--I'm boring. Even though playing it safe means I avoided a lot of lows, it also means I missed out on a lot of highs. While it's great that I've never had my heart broken, isn't it kind of sad that I've never been in love?
Not to mention, as I get older, the lows manage to hunt me down regardless of how sneaky or fast or completely in denial I am. Because let's just be honest, life sucks. Depression and anger and frustration and stress are all coming for me no matter how hard I try to live my life in neutral. So if I'm cursed with all this bad stuff anyway, shouldn't I take a few risks in order to be happy? To feel excited about something?
That's right! You've been tricked into reading a New Year's resolution post. Gotcha!

Now I'm not going to go around screaming YOLO or whatever. (I'm a bit concerned about the people who plan to. It's 2016, guys. Come on.) But I want to do things like going out even though it'll cut into YouTube time, or being less paranoid about people secretly hating me (so I can make friends). Things of the like.

I might run into trouble along the way, but whatever I've been doing for the past eighteen years is getting kind of old. It's time for a change.

I'm also going to not be so cynical about cheesy and cliche. (See preceding statement.) I even bought a journal that says "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" on the front. Cheesy, but not cliche--I'm easing into it. (By the way, I'm sure fellow bloggers will be proud of me when I say I managed to fill out an entire journal in 2015! I'm trying it again in 2016. Though I'm not too optimistic about filling it up in one year's time because it's four times as thick as the last one. We'll see.)

Got a bit rambly at the end there. Sorry about that! Happy New Year, everyone!


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