Wednesday, April 8, 2015

I am confused

top (under): Love Tree; t-shirt: original by me; 
skirt: Asos; socks: Kohl's; shoes: Guess

Currently, I am undergoing a period of confusion. I constantly tell myself that I want to change and become a better person, but I have no plan regarding my approach to that. I'm kind of like Hamlet when he's planning revenge on his uncle. Essentially, he has a goal but no game plan. All the while, he's feeling lots of feels. Wow. I never thought I would relate to Hamlet, but here I am. Since I'm taking inspiration from literature anyway, here's a poem I wrote about my internal conflict. Enjoy (that is, as much as one can enjoy internal conflict).

"I am confused" by Kuo

I am riots in the streets.
            Screams of terror and destruction.
            Acts of hatred.
I am the sound of gunfire.
            Feared by most,
            A sweet melody to a sick few.
I am black shadows in a burning red flame.
            A vague depiction of an uncontrollable pain.
Unidentified and disposable.
I am a child who lost her doll.
            Overwhelmed with desperation.
            With tragic eyes, but a hopeful heart.
I am puffy eyes and dry lips.
            The heartbroken victim of some pathetic crime.
            Hideous tears of shame.
I am an outsider to a world of laughter.
            Left in solitude.
            Ignored by the masses.
I am balled up fists and racing hearts.
            Twisted in her own mind.
            The picture of teenage angst.
I am a girl who’s afraid to speak.
            Hesitation overpowering desire.
            Falling victim to fear.
I am a wandering soul.
            Waiting for the future,
            In hopes of closure.
I am confused.


P.S. Sorry my blog is so angst-y lately. I'm kind of on an emotional roller coaster these days, but who isn't? I recently re-watched danisnotonfire's "Draw My Life" video, and he said something that really stuck out to me. When he started describing his high school years, he said something along the lines of "Yeah, I had problems-- just like everyone else." For me, it was a subtle reminder that it sucks that my life is kind of turbulent right now, but that doesn't mean I should be so dramatic about it. I, and every person, should be allowed to talk about my problems and express myself, but for me to think that my suffering is matched by no other is rather narrow-minded.

P.P.S. My apologies for the extensive post script.

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