Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Internal Conflict

Irrelevant photo, blah blah blah.

One of my all-time favorite TV shows is Modern Family, partly because of the diverse cast of characters. This past year (2014)'s Thanksgiving episode emphasized how the character's improve each other. Specifically, the episode elucidated how the idealists and the realists of the family balance each other out, and that's what I want to discuss today.

For some reason I was born with the curse of internal conflict. Within me live a blind dreamer and an over-dramatic pessimist, and whenever I'm involved in any sort of competition, these two have at it. Outwardly, I'm all gloom and doom: I tell everyone that there's no way I'm good enough or that I completely bombed whatever I did. Meanwhile, I'm in my head directing all my thoughts to how amazing I'll feel when I win and people shower me with praise. Unfortunately, I have no happy medium, no middle ground, no reasonable version of myself. As of recent, the dreamer and the pessimist have started The War on College. While the dreamer believes that every college will accept her, the pessimist suffers from constant stress because she has no future. In the long run, both the dreamer and the pessimist will wind up unhappy because not every school will accept the dreamer, and the pessimist will only acknowledge the rejection letters.

In the past, I brushed off my polar sides as opposite ends of a see-saw-- forever fluctuating but slowly approaching some equilibrium. Now, I'm starting to realize that these bipolar mental states will probably end up destroying me as I fall into a never ending tug of war where my only escape is collapsing under the tension.

Just something that's been on my mind!


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