Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Connection Deficit

so the picture is somewhat related today
A few posts ago, I explained that I wanted to start writing these long posts about my miscellaneous thoughts to practice expressing myself. This is because for the longest time, I have been unable to connect with people. When I'm having a conversation with someone, I find myself making irrelevant comments or telling amusing, but ultimately pointless, stories. Because of this, I rarely have genuine conversations with people and don't really have any close friends. I mean I can't even do the basics of conversation. It doesn't seem so hard to mention things like the music I enjoy or the shows I watch, right? From there, I could build relationships with people based on common interests. THAT SEEMS SO EASY, RIGHT? Well, that's something I can't do. I'm just not naturally inclined to say things that allow people to know me on any level. Especially when it comes to deeper things like philosophical opinions (or I don't know, my childhood), I refrain from sharing. I'm not entirely certain where it came from, but I always feel like I can't trust people with information about me. What can I say, I'm paranoid.

Recently I decided that I'm going to be a new person next year in college. How unique of me, right? But seriously, I don't want to spend my life constantly going through friends-- making them when I start a new stage of my life, losing them when I move on. As I (very slowly) approach adulthood, I want to become more comfortable (or good at) chatting about my enthusiasms, sharing my thoughts, and, consequently, developing real relationships with people. By forming friendships based on common interests rather than discussing events that are happening around me (like how I only talk about school with some of my classmates), I hope that I'll form friendships that last through multiple stages of my life.

Just something that's been on my mind!


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